“THAT JUST LOOKS GROSS!” my kids shouted in disgust.  “He doesn’t even look normal!  Look at the way his veins are popping out!”  Recently, our fam was watching a kids’ movie that starred a wrestler-gone-actor, and his muscles were—let’s just say—a bit much.  He appeared very strong; in fact, it seemed that his muscles had muscles.  But was he really strong?  We measure strength very differently than God does, so I have stopped trying to measure substance by my own standards.  

This year, God has been challenging me to take off my mask of might and exchange it for true strength, but the funny thing is, the process of confession and transparency looks a whole lot like weakness. It feels like I am going backward, and I think that’s the point.  Sometimes the way to grow up is to grow down.  Our world prides itself on independence, yet God is pleased with brokenness.  (Psalm 51:17) 

So often we are not relatable to the world because we seemingly have it all together.  We sweep dark thoughts and dashed dreams under the rug.  We pray trite prayers and refuse to be a wreck in front of God or anybody else.  Yet David, the man after God’s own heart was a hot mess, spilling his tattered emotions and bleeding heart across parchment that still encourages us today.  God didn’t cast him aside for his diatribes; rather, he won the title “Man after God’s Own Heart.”  

I’m learning to embrace weakness to find strength, and my prayer times have become sweeter as a result.   I have learned to come to God like a child, running into His Arms when I have a scrape or a wound.  In times past, I would have settled my mask firmly in place, pulled myself up by my bootstraps and fiercely faced the day.  Now, I vent hard things, I try to pray God’s strategies instead of my own, I am absolutely weak in and of myself, and this way is definitely better.  My journal is a love letter to God where I allow Him to know the real me that no one else sees, and this has forged an inroad to intimacy.  Intimacy (Into-Me-See ) is all about welcoming God into the deepest places of my heart even if they’re not pretty.  

Looking at me, you won’t see tight muscles and toned skin, but I am stronger than I’ve ever been. Why?  Because I realize that my life is hidden in Christ (Colossians 3:3), and He is all the strength that I will ever need.  

For many years, I was under the tyranny of a cruel taskmaster.  She was unforgiving, condemning, and her expectations were more than any human being could imagine much less accomplish.  When I was broken, she was unrelenting in her taunts.  She was a bully on steroids, and there was no escaping her.  She showed up for every gathering and keenly watched every performance, criticizing successes and exploiting failures.  Who is this beast you ask?  She is I.  

Many come to Christ with a rap sheet that includes addictions, incarcerations, betrayals, felonies, but my list holds the worst of sins . . pride and its evil spawn control.  Of all the vices, pride is chief because it it keeps us from total surrender which is the gateway to total freedom. Pride keeps God at arm’s length, only accessing Him when He follows my plan.  It disallows fun and adventure, choosing safety and the road most travelled every time.  It demands that I wear a mask of togetherness when I am anything but.  

One of the greatest gifts God gave me was salvation from myself.  He loves me unconditionally, and though I do my best to honor and serve Him, He forgives me when I miss it.  He doesn’t rub my nose in my mistakes; rather, He picks me up, dusts me off, and lets me try again, cheering me on all the while.

When I finally recognized pride for the dictator that it was, the damage had already been done.  Anxiety, stress, fear, regret, and worry were a part of my story, and God never intended those chapters to be included.  Still, God took the broken pieces, and He continues to be the Savior of my heart, mind, and body.  

Pride still tries to eclipse God at times, jeering at failures and mocking mishaps, and it’s my decision whether I will listen to what it says about me or what He says.  I have found that the more time I spend with Him and in His Word, the quieter the voice of pride becomes.  My Dad always said, “What you feed grows, and what you starve dies,” so I try to starve pride daily.  Part of my prayer time is dedicated to laying down  baggage and allowing my heart to feast on God’s Truth rather than pride’s putdowns.  

I think Matthew 11:28-30 in the Message Bible sums it up best.  It says, 28-30 “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”  

I’m running to Him!  Come join me.

It is a cool, crisp morning.  The kids are all still tucked in bed dozing away, and the house is silent.  I savor moments like this when no one is stirring because I can meet with the God of the universe.  It may seem that when I close the door to my bedroom and cue up the worship music that life comes to a halt, but actually it’s time to pick up the sword and go to war for our nation, for our people, for our churches, for our world at large.  Prayer has been reduced to a list to many, but it is absolutely the opposite.  It is a time to touch Heaven and change Earth.  Prayer has become an addiction for me because as we engage with Him to impact the world, He changes and blesses us in the process.  Though I am praying for others, many times I emerge from the battle refreshed with a greater sense of personal peace, joy, and purpose.  

I didn’t always love my prayer time.  In fact, many years it was a drudgery, a chore that I needed to check off of my list to feel like a good Christian.  But now I have learned to sit with Him and allow His whispers to my heart to direct this time.  Maybe I will feel led to minister to a foreign country in prayer, or maybe I will have a burden for a neighbor.  Either way, I love knowing that God and I are working together to effect change.  One of the highest callings that we will ever receive is to partner with Him for His purposes.  The most mundane moments  can take on eternal significance when we plug into His Presence.  With that in mind, here are some tips that I follow in my prayer time.  

1.). Start with a worship song—Whatever tune seems to resonate with my heart, I Youtube it and worship.  

2.). Embrace flexibility—Some days I work my way through my list, and other days I feel to spend extra time worshipping or concentrating on one person in prayer. 

3.)  Journal— I love journaling!  I usually spend a few moments writing out requests that I need to process on paper.  It’s therapeutic!  Then I  type  testimonies or things that I feel that He is whispering to my heart.  Those entries encourage me when the prayer time feels dry.  (I still have those!). My journal is on my computer because I type much faster and neater than I write.  🙂

4.). Reminders—I continually remind myself that this is one of the most productive times in my day.  Prayer literally changes the world.  It helps me to picture God sitting on His Throne; that image keeps me focused and in awe of the One with Whom I am speaking.

5.). Distractions—Have a sheet of paper handy to make a list of what comes to mind while you are praying.  A million thoughts will assault your mind—lists, schedules, reminders.  Jot them down and reengage. 

6.). Remember—Matthew 6:6 notes that God sees those times that we carve out for prayer.  We are noticed by the One Who matters most, and no moment spent with and for Him is ever wasted.  

Envy, the green eyed monster that saunters into all of our lives at some point, knocked at my door recently. I granted him access to my mind for a couple of moments, but fortunately the Holy Spirit reeled me back in quickly. Here’s the story: I was glancing over an article from a major magazine where they highlighted a mom who had done it all. She had brains, beauty, a stellar acting career, talk shows, a book—all of this and more while raising a brood of teenagers. As my eyes darted across the lines of the writeup, envy began coursing. Her resume included things that were all in my wheelhouse. I had accomplished many of the same milestones, yet she graced the cover of a magazine and I was reading about her instead of cleaning my bedroom which desperately demanded attention. I would love to say that I never compare, but that would be an outright lie, and ain’t nobody got time for untruths these days. Fortunately, like I said, the Holy Spirit whispered to my heart, and one line from Him turned envy on its head. He reminded me that temporary applause from the world means nothing in light of eternity. Sure, we may garner some attagirls and accolades this side of Heaven, but if they’re not in line with God’s calling and purpose for us, we can miss the rewards for what we were destined to do. If I am not careful, I get spiritual amnesia, forgetting what really matters. The pull of pride and vanity and selfish ambition is so strong for a dreamer such as I, so it is a constant battle to build His kingdom, not my own (Matthew 6:33). The silver lining of my 5-minute wrestling match with envy is how quickly it was over. God has been doing a deep work in my heart over the past few years, so my spiritual antenna is better tuned to hear HIs gentle Voice of correction. His Word has renewed my mind to understand His priorities instead of what society is dishing out. I have a long way to go, and I’m sure that I haven’t had my last encounter with envy, but his taunts are growing more distant. My eyes are on Heaven and Heaven’s eyes are on me. I don’t know how much longer we have until Christ returns, but I suspect that it is soon. I can’t afford to take my eyes off of the goal. I am running this race to hear “Well done, Good and Faithful Servant,” (Matthew 25:23) and the rewards of a life lived for HIs glory will endure f o r e v e r.

As the sun slipped over the horizon this morning, I ignored it. Sure, there were lists to satisfy, chores to complete, expectations to meet, kids to homeschool, but I was having none of it. If I closed my eyes tightly enough, could I could turn back time and score some extra sleep? Maybe? Please? I nestled a bit further into my blanket, felt the whirr of the fan, glanced at the clock, willing the seconds to stop . . but they didn’t, and eventually I had to face the fact: it was a new day, and, ready or not, it was go time.

 

Many hearts have been awakened during this season where the world has battled the Corona virus.  People are bowing their knees, lifting their hands, seeking the One Who alone has the strategy for this battle and every other one that we will face.  In our desperation we cry out to Jesus, and sometimes we are met with silence . . .lots of it.  

The church is always quick to preach that God Longs to have a relationship with us, and I believe that this is true.  Why then is it so hard to find Him when we are seeking?  When we carve out moments to sit in His Presence, why does He seem unresponsive?  The seconds drag while we struggle to still our minds and hearts. We sit for a while and wait; then we walk and wait, read and wait; finally,  we kneel and wait.  Still, the silence remains.  Not the good kind of silence where we feel His Presence amidst the holy hush.  No, I’m talking about the silence that screams of nothingness and absence, wasted time and unrealized expectations.  Is He still moving in those moments?  

The good news is, the waiting gets easier.  It might take days or even months to get used to God’s unhurried rhythm, but you will learn to do just that, and the closeness with Him that is conceived in the waiting is totally worth it.  You see, it’s not my job to make God speak.  It is my job to seek Him and trust Him with the results.  

One day in a period of waiting, God spoke to me and reminded me that He is not interested in speed dating.  The Church is the Bride of Christ, and He will prepare His Bride as she waits for His appearance.  In the days of Esther the maidens were groomed for their night with the King by twelve months of beauty treatments.  By the time the women were introduced to his majesty, they emanated the scent of the oils that they had soaked in for months on end.  Their lives had revolved around preparation for his presence.  Do our lives reflect the same preparation?  Am I content to sit and wait for Him for as long as it takes?  

We often want God to come to our level. We want to feel and Hear Him on our terms and in our timing.  We mistake His silence for lack of attention.  But God has a different plan.  He says that we are to draw near Him first and then He will draw near to us.  We seek Him with all of it hearts and then He will be found by us.  He is interested in bringing us higher than what we see and feel into a realm where His Word and Spirit reign, and this is accomplished as we stay parked in His Presence.  John 4:24 says God is seeking worshippers who worship Him in Spirit and truth, not feeling and sight.  As we wait, we are becoming the kind of worshipper that He desires.  We learn to tune out the world and tune Him in, and He can build patience and strength (Isaiah 40:31) in us as we linger.  

I have never been into journaling, but it has become a really rewarding venture in my seasons of waiting.  I have poured out my heart to the Lord and documented what I felt that He might be saying in return.  This practice has awarded some amazing revelations!  He speaks to my heart, and I savor those Words enough to jot them down and read them again and again.    On the days when God seems silent, past exchanges encourage my faith to keep resting in His Presence.  

The closer I am to an individual, the less I feel the need to fill the silence.  Often with a new acquaintance, we chat about surface stuff so that the moment isn’t awkward.  As the relationship becomes more seasoned, sentences can be communicated with one look, and you can fill in the blanks for one another.  The same can be true with God.  On the days when He doesn’t seem to be in a talkative mood, I read His Word.  After all, He’s already said everything that I will need to know through His Book, and the Holy Spirit can breathe on the pages and bring life to the words when I bury my nose in them.  

So if your heart has been ignited again to seek God, but you are disappointed with the results, don’t give up.  I have become a veteran at sitting and waiting on Him.  Enjoy some worship, allow Your mind to think on past testimonies, remember His declarations of love for You noted all throughout Scripture, journal, walk, sit, rest, and He will come, I promise.  He might not come in your timing, but He comes in perfect timing, and we should never discount the deep work that God does in us as we learn to trust and wait.  

Greatness.  It’s what we long for.  As children, we often spout dreams of being an astronaut or a superhero.  We want to be great, but we don’t know what that looks like yet.  If we’re honest, we still don’t understand true greatness.  We think that it is achieved by titles, degrees, loaded bank accounts, or a million likes on social media.  But Jesus said that if you want to be great in God’s Kingdom, learn to be a servant of all (Matthew 20:26).  Wait, I thought we were supposed to be doing great things for God!  How can I do great things if I’m busy cleaning the church instead of leading it?  If God has called you to the spotlight, then go for it; otherwise, remember this:  changing the world doesn’t require a giant stage; it  requires a surrendered heart that hears God’s assignment for the day and ministers to one individual at a time.  That’s what Jesus did.  We don’t read of Him darting from one speaking engagement to the next; in fact, at times, we see Him skirting the crowd to find the one or avoiding the multitudes altogether to rest and renew in His Father’s Presence.  Honestly, I have tried to be great, and success hasn’t fallen in my lap as I had hoped.  I have learned that I may not earn a notable name, and I may not reach the top of the ladder of success, but I can determine to be a great wife, a great Mom, a great friend, a great neighbor.  In the end, I live to make His Name great, and if I have done that faithfully, then I can trust Him with the results.

 I am a sermon addict!  I can tackle almost any project if I have a preacher buzzing in my ear.  Today the kitchen was screaming for a cleaning, so I hooked my phone up to the radio, pulled up some one of my favorite pastors, and I was ready to make the place shine.  But.   . .well, the first sermon didn’t resonate with my current season . . .or so I thought.  The name of the sermon was “Get over it,” and it dealt with offense.  I wasn’t especially psyched about the topic, so I started selecting another one of my favorite speakers, Duane Sheriff.  But when I typed out his name, the first sermon that popped up dealt with offense.  Hmmmm . . .Come to think of it, I was reading Luke 7:23 last night which says “And blessed is he, whosoever shall not be offended in me.”   I’m no Sherlock, but, well, there seems to be a theme here.  So I began searching my heart, and, yep, I found some offense lurking there. You see, I have been disappointed in this season of my life as I have hit wall after wall.  I have felt God calling me to step out in some areas, but those steps have been met with rejection and hardship and after a while, it starts to get to you if you let it.   And, apparently, I had.  It wasn’t a huge root of bitterness against God, but one toxic tendril was starting to stretch.  God in His mercy exposed the source through His Word before it could grow. (John 15:3)

The other day, I rode past some land that was being cleared, and my eyes were drawn to one particular tree that had been felled.  It wasn’t the size of the tree that caught my attention, but the size of the roots.  You would never guess that a root ball so immense was tucked into the ground, but it was, and those roots were constantly drawing and spreading.  What we allow to take ***** under the surface of our lives will determine what our life produces.  We can slap on a smile, spout some Christian catch phrases, lift our hands in worship with the best of them; meanwhile, lethal stems can be forging inroads in our hearts and snuffing the life out of us day by day, stealing our faith, hope, dreams, joy.  Many people have walked away from the Lord because they never address hurt, disillusionment and questions that arise from living in a fallen world.

Ultimately, I repented and determined to wage war with disappointment.   Lamentations 3 reminds us that God’s mercies are new every morning, and I need those mercies as I navigate through the emotions of this season.    As long as my heart stays tender enough to the Holy Spirit where He can expose rogue radicles and give me the grace to eradicate them; then my life can bear fruit that remains, and I can walk in freedom from offense and any other barrier to my relationship with my Closest Friend.

I love the story of Joshua and the Battle of Jericho because it gives us great insight into tackling walls in our own lives.  Many of us are walled in by fear, addiction, drama, hopelessness, and though you try to get to the other side, you can’t seem to climb much less conquer what’s in front of you.  You’ve tried everything, yet the wall is just as tall, just as immoveable, and your strength and faith seem to die with every day that passes.   Joshua 6 gives us some remedies into how we can get to the other side of whatever is boxing us in.  First, Joshua had to hear God’s plan.  The most important thing that we will ever do is to learn to hear His Still, Small Voice.  And there are many ways to do that.  God can speak through radio, television, other people, His Word.  Honestly, I hear God most when a piece of a passage comes to mind or I am reading the Scripture and suddenly a verse seems to just pierce my heart.  I will begin studying that Scripture, and God will show me layers of insight.  Also, I have learned to take peace very seriously.  Colossians 3:15 says to let the peace of God rule (Greek:  umpire) in your heart.  When I feel a twinge on the inside that seems to be urging me to move ahead or step back, I try to take that “unction” seriously if the action lines up with God’s Word.  The more we steward what God says to us, the more we will hear the game plan for whipping the wall  (Mark 4:24).  

Secondly, in order to beat the wall, the Israelites had to obey the plan of God; the only problem is that God’s strategy seemed to be a stretch . . .big-time.  I mean, REALLY!  Show up in enemy territory and silently march around?  Who does that?  Normally, we think of bursting on the scene, weapons brandished, voices raised in a battlecry . . .not taking a lap around a wall and then heading home.  That’s why it is so important that we get God’s strategy because HIs ways are higher than ours (Isaiah 55:9).  His plans include walking on water, strolling through a fiery furnace unscathed, and spitting in the mud to heal the blind.  None of those things make any sense in the natural, but apparently they work in the spiritual.  At this point, the Israelis were entering into a new chapter with God, and the spiritual groundwork needed to be laid.   The people had to learn to walk in God’s Presence (the Ark accompanied them on their laps), obey His command, and attribute the victory to God’s Spirit, not their brute force.  (Zechariah 4:6).  Note:  This was the only time that the Israelites used this particular battle strategy.  We want to run with a formula and leave God behind, but God doesn’t work though man’s blueprint.  Each battle that we face will be different as will the game plan.  That’s why, again, it is so important that we hear God’s Still Small Voice to navigate the next bend

The third thing to note in the story of Joshua and the Wall is that the people were not to talk for the first six days as they marched around the city.  Why?  We all know that the drama queens/kings would complain from the first to the last step. Achy feet, sweaty brow, chafing limbs . . .no complaint would go unvoiced.  Oh, they might hold out for a day or two.  But by day three of monotonous walking, surely someone would have an opinion to share with the group.  The whine fest would spread, and Joshua could have had a coup on his hands.  For this reason, I believe God stopped the wagging of tongues, allowing no vent for a bitter diatribe.  In that death and life are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21), sometimes it’s better to just say nothing.  As we face our own walls, it is vital that we speak God’s Word more than our own.  I’ve heard it said that faith is what you say after the BUT.  If you are battling sickness, you may say, “My body is not feeling well today, BUT Christ already paid for my healing, so it is on its way.”   Or, “ I am facing this wall of fear, BUT it will fall in Jesus’ Name.”  Venting is fine, but I want to learn to vent as David did in the Psalms—pour it all out, and then turn it back to praise.  

Fourthly, to conquer the walls that loomed ahead of them, the Israelites could not be dissuaded by the taunts of the enemies.  I’m sure that God’s people felt like easy targets for the cruel comments of the naysayers.  Maybe the enemies hurled objects as well as criticism.  Maybe the Israelis felt defenseless as they remained silent.  But they kept going.  Day after day.  After day.  As we face whatever towers in front of us, we will no doubt encounter voices on the inside and the outside.  Often, the people around you don’t want you to succeed because then their failures are highlighted.  Misery loves company.  If you are determined to face the walls in front of you, you will have to leave some people behind.  Unfortunately, it’s not easy to leave the voices in our head in the dust.  Our insecurities, fears, doubts, failures mock us moment by moment, and satan loves to add his digs to the mix.   We must turn a deaf ear to anyone and anything but the Voice of Truth.  God’s Word must be on our tongues, before our eyes, and in our ears constantly if we want to whip the wall.

At last, the day came.  The final laps would be taken, and then the people would shout. The people had heard, obeyed, withstood, marched, and the victory was within reach.  Joshua’s command to raise their voices sliced through the silence, and the people erupted in  a battle cry.  The walls fell flat, and the people pursued the enemies.  Notice that the people shouted in faith before they saw the victory, and we must do the same.  After we have heard the plan, obeyed the order, tamed our tongue, withstood the doubts,  resisted impatience, ignored taunts of the enemy, we keep shouting until the walls fall.  Psalm 47:1 says O clap your hands, all ye people; shout unto God with the voice of triumph.  The temptation is to wait to worship until the walls in our lives crumble, but, nope, that’s not faith.  Faith worships when the walls hover in front of us.  Faith lifts hands in surrender when we are tired of marching.  Faith shouts God’s truth louder than our own doubts.  We don’t know when the walls will fall, but we trust that they will, and we respond accordingly.

Friend, I don’t know what you are facing today, but I pray that you conquer every wall in your life.  You are more than a conqueror (Romans 8:37), so those walls don’t stand a chance!  😉

In that my pants have decided to get smaller by the week, this morning I decided that  it’s time to bite the bullet and cut back on some foods.  Well,  I’m two hours into my diet, and  I’m just not feeling it.   I’m hungry.  I don’t want the prescribed healthy menu.  I want chocolate.  Lots of it.  In various forms.  Sundae, brownie, cheesecake—all of them sound fabulous!  But I am standing firm . ..at least for now   . .because in the end it will be worth it.  I will fit into my jeans again without the sickening suck-in-and-button-and-hope-for-the-best scenario.  

I would love it if good things came with little or no effort, but that’s just not reality.  Whether we are disciplining the body or the spirit, both require fortitude.  We say no to what is unhealthy so that we can say yes to what is healthy, even when our desires are screaming bloody murder every step of the way.  Spiritually speaking, if I want to walk in God’s best for my life, I choose to read my Bible when I would much rather watch a movie; I spend time with the Lord when my flesh wants to take a nap.  Why?  Because knowing Him and being healthy on the inside is worth the investment.   The Holy Spirit grows the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, and I need all of those things to be a good Mom, Worker, Minister, Friend, Daughter, Wife, and so on.  If I want to live this life with no regrets, then physical and spiritual discipline will be part of that journey.  Oh, and there’s another bonus to hanging out with the Holy Spirit—He gives the fruit of self-control.  (Praise Hands!). So goodbye chocolate . . . for today.  I will return to you soon, Sweet Friend!