Limbo

Today my husband and I were slated to go to town to look at something for our kitchen. A friend was supposed to meet us before we headed off; only, he didn’t show. . . .for like 20 minutes.  Laid-back people will think, “It’s 20 minutes.  What’s the big deal?”  But time management is a huge thing for me.  I am a time ninja, carefully chopping hourly slots, kicking obstacles aside, stealthily leaping from point A to point B in a single bound, acutely focused on fitting everything within the confines of my agenda.In the moments that dragged as we waited, kicking something sounded pretty good right now.   Frustrated, I headed to the back of my hub’s building to do some prayer walking; well, if I’m being honest, I was pacing and blowing off steam while reminding myself that God was working all things together for good (Romans 8:28). . .even this unnecessary, inconsiderate waiting.  I told Adam later that I treat my time like I am an important person when evidence points to the contrary.  Truth be told, there was nowhere that I had to be; my list was present, but it was negotiable.  So why the time crunch?  Because I desperately want to go somewhere with my life, and I don’t want to waste my time getting there.  The only problem is that I don’t know where “there” is.  God has whispered some things to my heart, enough to ward me off from returning to my former career, but He hasn’t opened the door to a new one, so I am stuck in this limbo space of time.  Sure, I am productive in the meantime, working jobs and doing life, but there’s a difference between being productive and effective.  I realized at one point during the 20-minutes-that-felt-like-50 that I was actually pacing like a caged animal.  Literally pacing.  This waiting scene was a metaphor for where I am in life right now; maybe that’s the reason why I reacted so harshly.   Fortunately, the seed of Romans 8:28 took root while I was muttering it on my rant walk.  God does see me.  I am not forgotten, overlooked, or unloved.  My agenda might seem trivial at this moment, but His agenda for my life is not.  I just have to hold on, seek Him in the limbo time, and trust that He is working while I wait.

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